Wynonna has never been able to express love easily to anyone besides her sister. Perhaps because no one outside of Waverly ever loved her completely. Ward had been too busy turning Willa into a good little soldier to pay much attention to his middle child, and that was the best he could do. Her parents would fight. Her father beat her mother. Michelle burnt down a barn with little Waverly in it and even though Wynonna knows the full story behind why now....when she finally had the chance to be with her daughters again, she didn't stick around long. Wynonna was on two types of birth control by the time she was thirteen. She learned too young that most men only wanted one thing from her, and it wasn't her heart. So she locked it away behind layers of trauma, jokes, and deep rooted insecurity.
Doc loved her, but he's also broken her heart so many times it's hard for her to ever fully trust he won't again. Dolls might have loved her more purely but between the pregnancy and everything else...she wasn't ready to address it, and then he died. She had talked about that recently with Sara. The pain of the unknown. The what-ifs.
Maybe if she could have kept Alice things would be different, she would have had to learn and grown up, but instead she dug her heels in in the aftermath. The mission was the only thing that mattered. She loves her team, she doesn't trust them. She had tried to get Waverly out of town before the showdown with Bulshar, drugged most of her friends. Tied Doc up with holy water soaked rope.
So as much as things hurt, it is important when he says he loves her, even as he sets his own limits. He doesn't plan on giving up on her, or just continuing to ignore her, it is so different from what she is used to. His hand on his neck is reassuring and scalding somehow all at once. Tears are dropping on her cheeks now, mirroring his own. And maybe it is both the pain and the love she feels from him that helps her come to a conclusion that's been rattling around inside of her for a while.
"I don't love me. Maybe that's the problem."
And how can she truly give her heart to another before that? As much as she cares about him, and she does, he wormed his way into her heart without her permission, it can't fully blossom, not the way she is now. She steps in closer, and wraps her arms around his waist, allowing herself the small comfort of his embrace unless he pushes her away.
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Wynonna has never been able to express love easily to anyone besides her sister. Perhaps because no one outside of Waverly ever loved her completely. Ward had been too busy turning Willa into a good little soldier to pay much attention to his middle child, and that was the best he could do. Her parents would fight. Her father beat her mother. Michelle burnt down a barn with little Waverly in it and even though Wynonna knows the full story behind why now....when she finally had the chance to be with her daughters again, she didn't stick around long. Wynonna was on two types of birth control by the time she was thirteen. She learned too young that most men only wanted one thing from her, and it wasn't her heart. So she locked it away behind layers of trauma, jokes, and deep rooted insecurity.
Doc loved her, but he's also broken her heart so many times it's hard for her to ever fully trust he won't again. Dolls might have loved her more purely but between the pregnancy and everything else...she wasn't ready to address it, and then he died. She had talked about that recently with Sara. The pain of the unknown. The what-ifs.
Maybe if she could have kept Alice things would be different, she would have had to learn and grown up, but instead she dug her heels in in the aftermath. The mission was the only thing that mattered. She loves her team, she doesn't trust them. She had tried to get Waverly out of town before the showdown with Bulshar, drugged most of her friends. Tied Doc up with holy water soaked rope.
So as much as things hurt, it is important when he says he loves her, even as he sets his own limits. He doesn't plan on giving up on her, or just continuing to ignore her, it is so different from what she is used to. His hand on his neck is reassuring and scalding somehow all at once. Tears are dropping on her cheeks now, mirroring his own. And maybe it is both the pain and the love she feels from him that helps her come to a conclusion that's been rattling around inside of her for a while.
"I don't love me. Maybe that's the problem."
And how can she truly give her heart to another before that? As much as she cares about him, and she does, he wormed his way into her heart without her permission, it can't fully blossom, not the way she is now. She steps in closer, and wraps her arms around his waist, allowing herself the small comfort of his embrace unless he pushes her away.
"So what do we do now?"